OurStory

So I've been reorganizing my video game collection from the overflowing dresser drawers and plastic bins it's currently in into a set of new copy paper boxes. As I was going through them, I noticed that over the years I've picked up some pretty weird games, so I thought it might be fun to pick out ten of the biggest oddballs and do an entry about them. (This also gives me an excuse to use the River City Ransom icon I made the other night.)Now in the world of video games, weirdness is pretty much par for the course - when you think about it, even the premise of Super Mario Bros. seems like it could have been the result of somebody's acid trip. So I've left off the really well-known games and went with some of the more obscure, comical and/or *really* out there games. So here they are, in roughly chronological order. There's a cut under each game, where I put a little write-up of each game and included some screens, so click there if you're interested. Journey Escape - Data Age, 1982, Atari 2600Journey was huge back in 1982, so much so that they actually got their own arcade game, which was later ported to the 2600. Your goal is to guide each of the band members (represented by identical stick figures) from the concert venue, which appears to be located somewhere in deep space, to the "Scarab Escape Vehicle," dodging groupies (hearts with legs), reporters (giant cameras), shifty promoters (floating disembodied heads) and random pieces of stage and protecting your $50,000 concert fund on the way. The game itself isn't particularly great, but both the concept and the fact that the game exists in the first place walk a fine line between cheesy and awesome and walk it beautifully - much like Journey themselves. The best part of the gameplay experience, though? Has to be the instrumental version of "Don't Stop Believin'," rendered in fine Atari audio, played on the power-on screen.It seems like you're Worlds Apart from your Escape vehicle... but at least those groupies at the top of the screen are waiting with Open Arms for some Lovin', Touchin,' Squeezin'. Who's Crying Now? Fast Food - Telesys, 1982, Atari 2600Fast Food seems to seek to prove that overeating can, in fact, be fun. You control a disembodied mouth and try to catch a barrage of food items, such as burgers, shakes and hot dogs, that flies at you from the side of the screen. The more you eat, the higher your score, but watch out for purple pickles - if you catch six of those, it's game over. Believe it or not, this is actually quite a fun little game, and living up to the title, the food does move quite fast on the upper levels, making it one of the better twitch games for the 2600. One has to wonder how much this game would have been blamed for the "obesity epidemic" had it been a major hit.And yes, in the game items are consumed whole - in the case of the shake, cup included. This, er, motivational message is displayed between rounds. Lost Luggage - Apollo, 1982, Atari 2600There were a number of great "twitch games," games focused on quick movement and fast reflexes, in the first generation of video game consoles; Activision's Kaboom! and, for my money, the aforementioned Fast Food being among the best on the 2600. Lost Luggage is very much in the same vein as Kaboom!, only instead of catching bombs, you're controlling a pair of stick figures catching suitcases flying off a malfunctioning airport baggage return. Unlike Kaboom!, which only featured side-to-side movement, Lost Luggage allows you to move in any direction, but other than that added dimension, the gameplay is decidedly inferior to Activision's title - most infuriatingly, while your stick figures move together simultaneously, if a suitcase lands between them it still counts as a miss. Still, the game is a fun diversion, and the artwork is actually quite good for its day - suitcases burst open on impact and spill underwear on the ground, and the planes taking off and landing in the background is a nice touch.Seems like it would be a lot easier of those guys split up to catch more of these suitcases. But no, that would make too much sense. Microsurgeon - Imagic, 1982, Mattel IntellivisionSurgery has been a largely untapped genre in video games. Probably the earliest attempt at it was Microsurgeon, made by the innovative company Imagic, who created a number of unique games for the Intellivision and other consoles of the era. The game takes its cue from The Fantastic Voyage, putting the player in control of a tiny surgical robot inserted into the patient's body. You maneuver the robot through the patient's bloodstream to problem areas, then use tools such as lasers to perform surgical procedures like removing tumors. The game featured a unique control scheme that had the player using both of the system's controllers to perform different functions, and the graphical presentation of the body was, for the game's time, quite impressive. Sadly Imagic, like so many other early game companies, would not survive the video game crash of '83-'84, but Microsurgeon paved the way for modern games like Atlus' Trauma Center series on the Nintendo DS and Wii.The white thing's connected to the red thing, the red thing's connected to the blue thing, the blue thing's connected to my wristwatch... uh oh... The Three Stooges - Beam Software/Activision, 1989, Nintendo Entertainment SystemSo we all know and love the Three Stooges. At least I do. But you have to wonder, can slapstick comedy of the 1930s and '40s really translate into an enjoyable gaming experience? The answer is a resounding "yes." As the games open, banker I. Fleecem threatens to shut down Ma's Orphanage if she fails to come up with $5,000 to pay the mortgage in 30 days. Enter the Stooges, who agree to raise the cash and wander off into the city to find work. The Three Stooges is essentially a collection of minigames, all of which are based on classic scenes from Stooges shorts. For example, Curly, fueled by Larry's playing of "Pop Goes the Weasel" at ringside, can enter a boxing challenge, but when the violin breaks Larry - controlled by the player - must run down the street avoiding obstacles to get a radio playing the song to bring back to the arena (taken from the short "Punch Drunks"). The Stooges can also take jobs as doctors (riding mini-cars through the hospital as in the short "Men in Black") and waiters (a pie fight as seen in any number of shorts), and Curly can enter a cracker-eating contest and compete against an angry oyster (as in "Dutiful But Dumb"). There's also a Stooges trivia challenge and free-money spaces on the map, which Moe's hand moves over to select a job or activity. As the game goes on, Moe's hand moves more quickly over the map, making it easier to hit a moustrap square (hit five and the game ends), but you can enter a "slapping contest" and control Moe to slap Larry and Curly silly, which doesn't provide any money but slows down Moe's hand on the map.The game has some very well-drawn still images at the beginnings and endings of the challenges, and a voice chip supplies lots of actual clips of the Stooges (the game uses more voices than any other NES game I've seen). The controls in the waiters job/pie fight are a little wonky (usually reducing you to button-mashing to do well in it), and some might find it a bit repetitive as you will play each minigame multiple times during the course of a play-through. But really, this is a fun game on its own and a fitting interactive tribute to one of the great comedy teams, and is a must for Stooges fans.The opening screen of the cracker-eating minigame, inspired by the classic oyster soup gag from the 1941 Stooges short "Dutiful But Dumb." You chowderhead. Michael Jackson's Moonwalker - Sega, 1990, Sega GenesisReally, what can you say about this one? You play as Michael Jackson and dance, moonwalk, hat-throw and crotch-grab your way through stages based on his music videos with the goal of rescuing kidnapped children (who, when found, happily exclaim "MI-chael!" before running off). Clearly this was made before all the scandal. Jacko has a number of attacks, including the aforementioned hat-throw, kicking, throwing magic powder of dubious origin, and a stage-specific "super dance attack," which forces all enemies on the screen to dance along with Jacko in a routine from whatever video the current level is based on, which for some reason instantly knocks out all enemies when the dance ends. Between stages a digitized picture of Michael will pop up on screen to impart us with some bit of wisdom, usually either "who's bad!", "oooh," or "eee-heee." Now let's get past all the campiness, the irony in light of more recent events, and the fact that it's an unabashed vanity piece on par with Shaq Fu or the aforementioned Journey Escape - Moonwalker is actually a very decent platform game with good controls, well-drawn graphics and good audio (including digital versions of some of Jacko's '80s hits such as "Beat It" and "Smooth Criminal"). It's the kind of game you buy just for a good laugh, but continue playing because it's actually good.Hit by a smooth criminal. Wall Street Kid - Sofel, 1990, Nintendo Entertainment SystemAs Benedict, the "Wall Street Kid," you must prove your worth in the stock market by raising $500,000 - if you do, a family fortune of $6 billion is yours. But raising that $500,000 isn't the only thing you have to worry about. Your fiance, Prisila "the Pricey Prima Donna" wants you to buy her stuff - lots of stuff - and you'll also have to spend time working out, looking for a house, and finding other things to buy (ranging from a yacht to a castle) to prove your worth. The game's actually pretty clever - stocks parody real companies, like "YBM," "Reebucks," "Carnivore Cruise Lines" and "Strayhound Buses," and although it takes awhile to learn, it can be enjoyable to those who like management-type games.How irresponsible, Ralph. I'm afraid you suck! Yo! Noid - Capcom, 1990, Nintendo Entertainment SystemCapcom had a great run during the NES era. Games like Mega Man 2, Bionic Commando and Destiny of an Emperor stand as classics of their genres. They also did well with licensed games, such as Little Nemo: The Dream Master and any number of excellent Disney games (i.e. DuckTales; Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers). So, while the former Domino's Pizza mascot might seem like an odd choice for a game license, surely Capcom could make something memorable with it, right? Well, not quite. The first and most glaring problem with the game is that the Noid is cast as the hero, whereas in the Claymation TV ads and in an earlier PC game, he was a villain who made people's pizzas cold (we were told to "avoid the Noid!"). In the game, the Noid is on a pizza-fueled quest to save New York City from his green-suited doppelganger, using his trusty yo-yo (huh?), magic spells (double huh?) and his pogo stick-like Pizza Crusher (okay, that was actually in the commericals) along the way. I suppose the other problem with the game is that it's simply okay, not outstanding in any way. Controls work, but sometimes hit detection is way off, making the game extremely difficult, far more than it should be. The graphics aren't bad and are very colorful, but not up to the standards Capcom set in the Mega Man series and Disney games. Yo! Noid is a fun conversation piece, but that's about it. On the bright side, the manual has a clip-out coupon for $1 off a Domino's order. Unfortunately, that coupon expired seventeen years ago.Even though we're controlling him now, the commercials did always tell us to "avoid the Noid." That clown on the unicycle gets it. Cyber Stadium Series: BaseWars - Konami/Ultra, 1991, Nintendo Entertainment SystemThe NES saw its fair share of baseball games. Among others, there was Tengen's RBI Baseball, Jaleco's Bases Loaded, and Nintendo's own creatively-titled Baseball, all of which were traditional takes on the game. But what were all of those baseball games missing? Why, giant killer robots, of course! Enter BaseWars, in which the national passtime is played by teams of robots - some humanoid, some with motorcycle wheels or tank treads for legs, and some flying robots with no legs, and all heavily armed. The game actually plays under traditional rules, until you try to steal a base - at that point, both robots will enter into a one-on-one duel with their selected weapons. If the runner wins the duel he can stay on base; if the baseman wins the runner is out. Robots can also only take so much damage (they actually have an HP rating), so if they lose three or four fights in a single game they will probably end up exploding. Between games in season mode you can buy upgrades for your robots, like new engines for added speed or a variety of weapons for duels (guns, swords, punch weapons, etc.). When fielding, the camera is a little slow and the ball can fly off-screen, and the game becomes a bit easy with a little practice, allowing you to get home-runs with almost every at-bat. But it's worth a look for the concept if nothing else.Apparently BaseWars was supposed to be part of a larger Cyber Stadium Series, but I guess this one didn't sell well enough so no other games were made in the series. Which is kind of unfortunate; it might have been interesting to see how they might use the robot concept for other sports.At least we know Arnold there's not one of those overpaid millionaire baseball players. I mean, he's a robot with a freakin' wheel for legs, what's he gonna do with money?Last, but certainly not least... Decap Attack - Vic Tokai/Sega, 1991, Sega GenesisNow *this* is a fun game. You, as the aptly-named mummy Chuck D. Head, are sent to save Body Island from the evil Max D. Cap. Chuck has no head, and instead has a face in his chest. As Chuck travels through such haha-lariously-named areas of Body Island as "Abdomainland" and "Armington," he can fight enemies by "punching" with his face by extending it out from his chest, or he can collect a skull to place on his shoulders and later take off and throw at enemies (hence the game's title). After a few seconds the head will return like a boomerang, but Chuck loses it if he gets hit. He can also jump on enemies to defeat them and "float" by kicking his legs in the air (similar to the raccoon tail's effect in Super Mario Bros. 3), and can purchase potions from his creator Dr. Frank N. Stein to create different effects. Fun concept and gameplay and a decent amount of challenge make this one of the best early Genesis platformers.Here Chuck jumps on an enemy, but it really is okay to use your head while playing this game.